The Makings of a Real Spa, SPA 101

From downtown Miami to the great spaces of southern Africa, from tiny atolls in the Maldives to the foothills of the Himalayas and from the jungles of northern Thailand to the middle of the Pacific Ocean there is a spa waiting to envelop, pamper and caress the careworn, the stressed and the seriously tired. Each more luxurious than the last, each offering a panoply of treatments which have been plundered from across the globe.

Spa 101 You can get a lomi lomi massage thousands of miles from its native Polynesia, acupuncture and tui'na from Chinese medicine can be enjoyed from Africa to Italy, while shiatsu from Japan, shirodara from India and lulur from Java can be found in any spa worth the name between Florida and France. And it continues with new therapies deriving from the ancient lore of the aboriginals, the plants and stones from Native Americans, and the traditions of Indonesian royals as well as state of the art treatments from the laboratories of the major American and European beauty houses.

Into this great melting pot of spa ingredients come the practitioners – the masseurs, the facialists, the manicurists, the crystal healers, the doctors and the chiropractors, the yoga gurus and the dance masters, the life coaches and the acupuncturists – all, every single one of these people, these traditions, ingredients and therapies, geared to helping some of the most over-indulged people ever, to feel better about themselves, about their bodies and about their lives. For this more than anything accounts for the great growth of spas – the real need people have to escape the strains of modern life to chill-out and relax.

In an over-stretched, over-stressed world the greatest luxury of all is time. Time for yourself. Choosing an island, an hotel, an escape with a spa is literally giving yourself permission to use that time. Spas provide refuge and offer repair.

In a world where more and more people live alone either through choice or circumstance, spas provide a safe haven where they can relax and not feel out of place, where they can surrender to the healing power of touch. People who live alone do not have the same opportunities of touch as those who live with partners and families – witness how the elderly who are on their own constantly stroke their hands or arms, remember that new born babies can die if they are not held or touched.

Touch is powerful, it soothes, heals and comforts. A pedicure can put a smile on someone's face not just because the callouses have been removed, but because that person has been massaged and touched. The divorced and the widowed, the vulnerable and the lonely can find solace in a place which is devoted to serenity and wellbeing, and this helps the healing process.

But most important, spas are fun – they are also legal, sexy and don't make you fat.

They are a sybarite's paradise. The thought, time and money spent on them is nothing if not lavish – silk walls, satin cushions, soft lights, scented candles incense, cashmere wraps, slippers, sarongs, organic foods and juices. How can anyone not feel better under such a plethora of pleasure inducers. (If only they could learn to can the music – unless of course the guest has a penchant for panpipes, humpback whales or seagulls. Silence, they might well remember, is the best sound of all).

Spas are often in the forefront of hotel excellence in design and service and mostly they are situated in some of the most beautiful places on earth. They pamper and spoil, they soothe and smooth – they indulge our every whim.

10 Ways to Have Better Sex, According to Science

You can try all the positions you want, or you can call up the world's foremost sex doctors and ask them for their one surefire trick in the bedroom. And then the positions get better.

Tell Her She Looks (and Tastes) Great
"It's been proven that women who feel confident about the appearance of their genitals are more open to different kinds of sexual activity, and are more likely to orgasm because they feel relaxed... When a man goes down on his partner, he should be enthusiastic, tell her how beautiful she is and how great she tastes. Don't treat it like a chore." —Debra Lynne Herbenick, Ph.D., Indiana University, Kinsey Institute

Use Your Ears
"The only difference between a gigolo and a regular guy is that a gigolo listens to what a woman wants in bed. So, ask. I would also advise that you to ask her while not in the bedroom — raise the discussion while out walking or doing some other casual yet intimate thing together."
—Dr. Helen Fisher, Department of Anthropology, Rutgers University

Touch Her Everywhere (with Oil)
"Sensual touching releases a powerful sex hormone called oxytocin, which increases a woman's testosterone levels and ignites her sex drive. The seductive silky feel of oil being rubbed on skin is a turn-on for more passionate sex — for both of you."
—Carol Cassell, Ph.D, former president of the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality, Western Region

Bring the Kitchen into the Bedroom
"Arginine is the basis for Viagra, so men should stick with foods high in it — such as oysters, fish, and other lean proteins. Everything that's good for you above the waist is good for you below the waist as well: greens and beans; high protein/low-fat foods; and brightly colored fruits and vegetables, high in antioxidants. The Standard American Diet is ... a detriment to performance."
—Lynn Edlen-Nezin, Ph.D, co-author of Great Food, Great Sex

Take Your Time Undressing
"There is a degree of manipulation when it comes to the amount of neurotransmitter released... Looking at a nude picture will trigger a quick and strong release of dopamine and possibly oxytocin, but it fades quickly... Let her work for it a little; she'll enjoy the prolonged neurological orgasm more."
—Andrea Kuszewski, Behavior Therapist and Consultant, Boston, Massachusetts

Take a Shower
"There's no proven human pheromone to make you irresistible... So, until one is found, wash well — you can have too much of a good thing. (But why not leave a worn T-shirt at her house? It will keep you always in her mind.)"
—Dr. Tristram Wyatt, Department of Zoology, University of Oxford

Create a Mood — Turn the Lights Down
"For women to get aroused, parts of their brains associated with stress and anxiety need to de-activate, according to neurological studies in the Netherlands. If women aren't relaxed, they're not going to enjoy sex. So dim the lights and share a fantasy. A Harvard study found that when you hug a woman longer than thirty seconds, it increases her oxytocin levels and anticipation of sex."
—Ian Kerner, Ph.D, FAACS, author of She Comes First: the Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman

Sit Back and Relax
"Find out what position of intercourse is most stimulating to her — it's usually woman on top, facing away, also known as the reverse cowgirl. The angle of the penis through the anterior/front wall of the vagina stimulates the area of the G-spot."
—Beverly Whipple, Ph.D, Professor Emerita at Rutgers University and co-author of The Science of Orgasm

Don't Worry So Much — Intercourse Isn't Everything
"If you're thinking, 'I hope it works! I hope it works!' it's not going to work. Take penetrative sex off the table for a month — do everything but that. Avoid making intercourse the be-all/end all. In most cases, once men stop worrying about it, it starts working. You can definitely stress yourself out of a boner."
—Emily Wentzell, Assistant Professor of Anthropology, University of Iowa

Get Her Pregnant (On Purpose)
"If you're trying to impregnate your wife or girlfriend, stop thrusting immediately after ejaculating. The shape of your penis... was designed by natural selection to work as a retraction device, removing competing males' sperm from your female partner's vaginal tract. So if you keep going at it after you've achieved orgasm, you're basically disadvantaging your own reproductive success."
—Jesse Bering, Ph.D, director, Institute of Cognition and Culture, Queen's University, Belfast

The Golden Rules of Relationships

If things have changed with your friend or boyfriend, following these five simple rules will help you put your feelings first. Use these rules as a "checklist" for future relationships, so you can avoid wasting time with people that will bring you down, and start seeking out the ones that will bring out the best in you.

Golden Rule #1: If they ever put you down, even once, dump them. Why stick around with someone who will slowly chip away at your self-esteem? Verbal abuse is just as bad as physical abuse. Staying isn't worth it ...just rip the Band-Aid off. It will hurt but only temporarily.

Golden rule #2: Don't try to be something you're not. If they're not happy with the real you, then the relationship obviously wasn't meant to be. Never compromise who you are for a relationship.

Golden rule #3: If they're always breaking their word, then let them go.

Golden rule #4: If every little thing makes them fly off the handle, they're not worth it. Every relationship deserves a fight or two to make it stronger, but if you're going at it like cats and dogs constantly, the relationship wasn't meant to last.

Golden rule #5: If they are racist or discriminatory in any way, or they talk badly about your family or close friends, dump them.

Couple Fighting While keeping these rules in mind, the best thing to do is to make your own checklist. Write down what you want out of the relationship or friendship and if things don't add up, cut your losses. It's best not to act like children and bicker back and forth. It may hurt in the beginning, but you'll thank yourself later.

Always remember, while it sounds cliché, you want someone who will love you for who you are, because in the end you can't change who you are and you can't change who they are.

Bad Knees to Sexy Knees

When the term "cankles" hit the media -- and gyms -- by storm two years ago, it left many women wondering: Do I have chubby ankles? It wasn't enough that we had to worry about muffin tops, flabby arms and larger-than-we'd-like derrieres. In an ever-increasingly body-conscious society, it's not surprising -- and even somewhat expected -- that we continue to pick apart those areas of our bodies we deem sub-stellar.

And that includes knees.

Knees, like ankles, may not be at the top of everyone's Sexy Body Parts list, but if a woman considers them unattractive, it's enough to alter the way she dresses -- and even the way she feels about herself.

And while there is not an official term (like cankles) for less-than-svelte knees, do we really have to resort to a life void of flirty miniskirts and sexy shorts?

Of course not!

First of all, it's important to realize that our bodies are perfect and beautiful just the way they are. Our knees, in particular, allow us to run, jump, climb, squat and move throughout our days. Without them, we would be in serious trouble. So, before condemning your knees for the way they look, send them some gratitude. Some good loving.

For those looking for a little help with their appearance, Houston dermatologist Dr. Paul Friedman said with shorter hemlines and bare legs being fashionable, more and more women are approaching a cosmetic dermatologist or plastic surgeon. In fact, knees account for approximately 10 percent of his body-contouring patients today.

While the reasons vary, Friedman said many women are concerned about excess fatty tissue in their knees, especially over the inner knee, over the kneecap and above the knee. Other patients want to rid the sagging skin that overlies the front of their knees and thighs. And still others come in with distinct scars or an increased amount of pigmentation across their knees (both of which typically follow some sort of trauma).

"Causes are multifactorial," said Friedman. "Genetics, diet and lifestyle all can play a role. However, we do see many thin, athletic patients that still have small deposits of fat on their knees."

Celebrity trainer and USANA spokeswoman Kathy Kaehler said she's had clients who want to tighten up their knees because they just don't like how they look. "They hate how it determines what they wear or how they think people's eyes go to their knees. I know it gives them a reason to wear only pants," she said.

Kaehler said knee haters specifically gripe about the skin, the bumps and the lines that loose skin can make. "It also pulls more skin on the inside of the knee that makes a bulge."

And while Kaehler agrees that saggy knees can be attributed to genetics, much of the time she believes it's due to underconditioned quadriceps and weight gain, which is good news -- meaning, there is something we can do about it.

Gyms and dermatology offices are not the only places that hear complaints about saggy, chubby or ugly knees.

Celebrity makeup artist Scott Barnes said this is a common beef among his clients, too. "Women always complain to me that there is some body part they don't like. They always ask me how to fix it."

When a woman is unhappy or self-conscious about the way her knees look, not surprisingly, she covers them up. Longer skirts, pants and tights are often used to camouflage these seemingly imperfections.

"I think all women are concerned with their legs in general, and of course, no one wants ugly knees," said Barnes. "I see women all the time looking for additional ways to slim or slenderize their legs. And that includes knees that are soft and delicate."

So if you find yourself knee high in reasons why you don't like the way your knees look, take a look at the top tips from these experts on how to beautify and show them off:
woman doing lunges with weight

Squat for lust-worthy knees. Photo: Getty

Exercise
There may not be any knee-specific classes at the gym (remember the cankle-busting workouts Gold's Gym offered?), yet cardiovascular and strength-training exercises can still be your best bet.

A regular regimen of exercises like power walking, running, jumping rope, stair climbing and other heart-pumping activities can burn calories and, thus, eliminate fat. Be forewarned though, it is not possible to spot-reduce, so any exercises you engage in will burn fat throughout the body, not just the knee area.

Strength-building exercises, like squats, lunges and leg lifts are ideal for toning the legs. The more toned they are, the less likely your knees will droop. Kaehler advises clients to complete one set of 12 reps of lunges, squats and side lunges with squats. She then has them build up to two sets and eventually adds a 5-pound dumbbell in each hand for additional strengthening.

Above all, consuming a healthy diet and getting back to your ideal body weight is the most important thing, according to Kaehler, who noted that added weight is likely to manifest around the knees.

Beauty Products
If women could only use one beauty product, Barnes said it should be Body Bling.

"Its my number one beauty favorite among celebrities and women around the world," he explained. "It moisturizes and slenderizes your legs and gives them a healthy glow while making you look tan without the harmful effects of the sun."

Another helpful tip is to use a good body moisturizer on your legs daily like La Mer or La Prairie.

And don't forgo an occasional scrub to shed dead skin. Using a lemon-and-sea-salt mixture is a great and inexpensive way to soften your knees.
woman riding bicycle in miniskirt high heels

Flaunt your knees in a miniskirt and high heels. Photo: Getty Images

"To me, all women have a beauty about them -- it's just about bringing it out," added Barnes.

Style Options
No matter what your knees look like, all women look fantastic in a flirty miniskirt. Just make sure it's not too tight, so it can move with your legs when you walk. Also, high heels are always flattering to your gams, making them appear sexy and gorgeous -- but avoid shoes with an ankle strap as they can make your legs appear shorter. And finally, if you're still too self-conscious for a mini, try a long dress with a slit in the front to hint at your sexy legs!

Nonsurgical Treatments
When chubby or sagging knees don't respond to proper diet and exercise, some women take further steps.

Body wraps, while only temporary, can provide a short-term fix to reducing excess water or swelling around the knees.

Friedman believes that patients can see better results from sagging skin with radiofrequency treatments such as Thermage or Excelis, which work by stimulating collagen production to help tighten the skin.

"We also have patients with scars over the knees," said Friedman. "The appearance of these scars can be improved with lasers such as a pulsed dye laser or fractionated lasers such as Fraxel or Affirm. We have also seen improvement in the appearance of sunken scars following injections with fillers such as injectable hyaluronic acid or poly-L-lactic acid."

If patients experience increased pigmentation across the knees, it can be the result of repetitive micro-trauma to the skin of the knees. In this case, reducing any trauma along plus a prescription topical skin-lightening cream, such as one with hydroquinone, can be beneficial.

Surgical Options
For women who want a more extreme treatment to improve the appearance of their knees, Friedman said liposuction will remove excess fatty tissue. With expanding technology in the medical field, small liposuction instruments can now be used to treat the knees. However, he warns that if patients are concerned about the appearance on the top of the knee, where it joins the thigh, extra care must be taken. The fatty tissue in this part of the knee supports the muscles on the front of the thigh, so taking too much fat out of this area removes the support of the thigh muscles, causing the front of the thigh to sag downward.

Of course, not everyone agrees that any of these procedures -- especially the surgical ones -- are necessary.

"We are all too body conscious," stated Kaehler. "If we paid more attention to what our bodies can do physically and not just how they look, we might find more happiness and less stress from focusing on something that is really quite insignificant."

The Perfect Bangs for Your Face Shape

Read these tips to score the perfect bangs for your face shape. Photo: Getty Images
There are certain women who just look amazing with bangs. Their forehead fringe flatters their face perfectly, making their eyes pop while giving them a youthful, vibrant and sexy look.

Then there's the rest of us.

Maybe you've tried bangs in the past, only to end up looking like your third-grade picture or hating the way the tiny sprigs stuck to your forehead. Or maybe you're in the frustrating process of growing them out because they never quite looked like that celebrity photo you brought to the salon.

Suffice to say, most of us have experienced bangs at one point in our lives with less than desirable results, and yet they continue to surface on runways, red carpets and tabloid covers.

Which makes the allure of trying them again hard to resist.

"Bangs are a classic," says celebrity stylist and salon owner Mark Garrison. "They have been around since recorded history and aren't going to disappear in this century. We just have to continue reinventing them so they stay fresh and modern."

Like this season's heavy bang that taps the lashes. It's the hottest look right now, according to Garrison. Though beautiful, they're not very practical because you can barely see out from underneath. Not to mention, a little high-maintenance since they need to be trimmed every week to keep the perfect length.

There are a number of other bang styles to choose from, though.

But how do you know which one is right for you? Garrison says to start by looking at the shape of your face:

Long face: Bangs diminish the length of a long face. Typically a long face has a high forehead and when bangs cover it, the face is shortened with an illusion of more width to the face. Longer bangs are best. They can be blunt for a stronger, trendier look or edges can be softened and unforced.

Oval face: An oval face can wear a bang that's angled and shorter. A razored bang is the most feminine because it has flow and texture. Oval is considered the perfect face to wear all styles of bangs, which is why heavy bangs that curve down on the sides are perfect. You can also wear them supershort and right to the hairline for the edgiest of styles!

Round face: Bangs that are a little shorter in the middle give length to a round face making it appear more oval. Bangs can be airy and wispy so they show more forehead, which will also add length. An asymmetric bang is great too because it diverts the eye.

Heart face: A blunt bang, cut straight across just below the eyebrows will cover the forehead and soften a pointed chin. Because the forehead can be a bit wide on this face shape, a sideswept fringe is ideal. Heart-shape faces also look great with choppy bangs that are long enough to push to one side for versatility.

Square face: This is the perfect face for a long, wispy, angled bang because it cuts the square dimension so the eye travels on a diagonal rather than horizontal. The shape of the face is flattered this way because it gives length to the face. A blunt bang would square off the face even more.

When it comes to maintenance, if you have cowlicks, straight heavy bangs may not be for you. Instead, angled or sideswept bangs work best. Another thing to keep in mind, curly hair can be a disaster to have successful smooth bangs. However, a long curly bang can be sexy!

Here are a few other pointers to keep your fringe looking its finest:

Long bangs: Blow them dry with a big round boar-bristle brush. On damp hair, brush hair from side to side to smooth out any cowlicks. Make sure to get right at the roots to control any wave. When dry, run a flatiron over them if you want a straighter look. Then use hairspray if hair is fine and limp or serum if hair is dry and coarse.

Short bangs: Use your fingers to push hair into shape and air-dry or blow-dry in downward direction so they don't stick straight up. Use wax for finish and texture definition.

Fringe: Use a flat brush and dry with a side-to-side motion. Piece out the strands with a good pomade.

Sideswept: Blow forward at first with a round brush lifting at the hairline to give volume so bangs aren't stuck to the forehead. A big curling iron can also give a nice bend to the side. Finish with hairspray for hold.

If you think you're ready to make the cut, here are a few questions to ask your hairstylist first: What type of bang will flatter my face? Do I have a cowlick that's going to be a problem? How will I style them? What do I do as they grow out? Can you do a few wispy ones first so I can get used to it and see whether I like it? A good hairdresser will pull hair from behind and form it into a makeshift bang to show what it might look like.

And when it comes to cutting your own bangs at home, Garrison has one piece of advice: Don't do it. "Your hairdresser should give you free bang trims. And if not, then find one that will," he says.

However, if you must snip your own strands, allow an inch from where you want to end up because you'll most likely overcut them. Go little by little and hold them out and cut into the edge with points of the scissors so you chip away until desired length. You can also twist half-inch sections and then cut to get a soft line.