Love is blind and we have all dated the ugly

My husband is as tactful as a four year-old who calls you fat to your face simply because, well you are. That four-year old feels no shame in saying it as it is and neither does my husband. But it is because of people like him, that some would rather hide the fact that they are seeing anyone than admit that they are dating someone who is, God forbid, unattractive!

If we are honest with ourselves, it isn’t just my husband who likes to indulge in a little cruelty every now and then. We all do. We love to call people fat, fashionably challenged with bad hair but then we try to ease the guilt by ending the sentence with something feeble like “Oh, but she’s nice though”. It’s not entirely bad to engage in some minor harm every now and then. We are human! But to allow vanity become the decider in the fate of a relationship, that’s just plain dumb.
Plus, we can’t really control who we wind up falling in love with. He might be gorgeous, rich and terribly romantic but the odds are more likely to be mediocre looking, living paycheck-to-paycheck and terribly romantic. So you say “Great! I’ll take it! At least he’s romantic”

There is a leap of faith. To risk being mocked by your friends and turn a blind eye to the scrutiny around you, might just turn out to be your best stroke of luck. Take for example the case of my dear friend Marwa. When she was still dating her now husband, it would amaze her how many times they would ‘coincidentally’ bump into friends of his wherever they went out. She had naturally assumed that he was just very popular! What she didn’t know was that she was being scanned, evaluated and given the ‘go ahead’ by his buddies. Thankfully they didn’t deem her to be an ugly cow and the relationship was spared. But if it hadn’t, her husband would have been the one to pay the price. Years into their marriage and he is still as in love with her as the first day they’d met. And it isn’t because she looks good. It’s because he still loves to talk to her, have fun with her and run to her when something goes wrong. She is his perfect life companion and if she looked any less attractive, which she will someday, I doubt that that will be the end of it.

Others aren’t so lucky. A male friend of mine shamefully admitted to having dumped a girl he had just started seeing when he took her to Sharm El Sheikh and ran into a buddy of his who found her ‘below average’. The guy didn’t even wait to go back to Cairo. The poor girl was already dumped some 20 minutes later. He had been initially attracted to her and willing to forego her average looks until his own vanity took over.

Now excuse me while I get off my high horse for an instant to admit that I still occasionally drool over the hunk running on the treadmill next to me and ogle most of the guys on the water polo team at the club but I’ve dated and fell in love with the bald, the fat and the terribly dressed.

And for that… I have no regrets

7 Tips To Date a Coworker

It goes without saying that today’s business world is different from what it used to be twenty years ago. We spend most of our time at the office and we interact with colleagues just as much as we interact with the outside world and maybe more. The amount of hours you spend in your office may vary accordingly to your job, your seniority and your company. However, you would at least be spending 8 hours within your work environment interacting with others outside your family, close friends and agreed upon comfort zone. You work groups will be diverse and you may make friends from work. You could also be seeking something more than a friend at work; you can meet an emotional partner. Where does all of this take us?

To date at work or not to date at work?



The answer is not with me, it is all yours! The most important aspect to begin with would be to double-check your employee handbook, and check to see if your company has a policy on this! It may sound humorous, but many companies are instituting explicit written policies either prohibiting or expressing they do allow work/dating relationships. Some companies I have heard of permit peers to date, but not those in a direct boss/subordinate relationship with you. Therefore, you can date those who are laterals to you in the organization, but not those above you who report to you or you report to.
Next, I encourage you to consider, “How will you feel if it doesn’t work out?” While we like to give people the benefit of the doubt, let’s assume the worst here. Will you feel awkward being around this person in staff meetings, embarrassed because he’s seen you in love and could share very intimate details with other co-workers and worse, management, or angry or sad if it turns out “he’s just not that into you?”



Let’s say you have considered the odds and would like to go ahead with this step, it would eb best if you consider the below tips:



1 Recognizing a strong attraction: You must be genuinely convinced that your co-worker is interested in you. He or she may be sending signals, like taking detours to be near your cabin, singling out your reports for compliments, trying to share lunch and coffee breaks with you, staying near you during office parties and making inquiries about your personal life. She may even send flirty e-mail messages to you. You must try to watch, learn and think before expressing your interest to him/her.
2 Keeping it discreet: One of the most important lessons, which people have learnt, is to keep an office romance discreet. Rumor mills and grapevines thrive on the grist of possible- ongoing-failed romances. Your office may contain many people who are inimical to you and waiting to speak ill of you. It’s a dog-eat-dog situation and an office romance is the best way to feed the rumor mills. Especially if a romance sours, it may be very unpleasant and embarrassing for both of you at the workplace if you have had a very highflying public romance. Your decisions, motivations, actions, all may be weighed in terms of your romantic interest in a co-worker. Be prepared for co-workers to be talking behind your back. So the best policy is to keep your romance low key and quiet until it turns really serious. It will avoid complicating relationships with other co-workers.

3 Try to date someone in a different office or a floor: You may work in the same company but your romance has a better chance if you work in different offices or on different floors. For one, you are not always bumping into each other the whole time. You can keep the romance discrete and avoid feeding the rumor mills. You are also not likely to bore yourself with full time interaction. Because if you are in the same office, you may have nothing very different to share with each other on the daily goings-on and intrigues and you may lose the spark in your romance. As someone said, familiarity breeds contempt. But more important, you may escape being the target of office intrigues, accusations of favoritism, and character assassination.

4 Avoid public displays of affection: Even if you don’t want to be too discrete, it is better to avoid public displays of affection in the office. Save the handholding and caressing for after-hours. Cloying displays of affection spoil the office atmosphere. Also the habit of sending electronic messages or e-mails containing love declarations is best avoided. Most office employees have access to all office e-mails on the excuse of checking for suspected pornographic content and illegal material. And in the process, all your intimate letters will be the joke of the office.

5 Keep your quarrels at home: Being discrete also means that you do not carry to the workplace your disputes and quarrels. Shouting and abusing each other at work destroys the peace of the work-place and affects negatively the productivity of individuals. Co-workers can mess up work because they have had a lover’s tiff, and vitiate the atmosphere by setting up rival camps in the staff. It results in back-biting, stalling of work and confrontation.

6 Come clean about other affairs: Before you start a new romance with a co-worker who happens to be the partner of your dreams, you must confess to them about previous romances in the workplace, if any. This is the problem with the work-place. Dating co-workers seldom escapes anyone’s attention, and remains in everyone’s memory to haunt you forever. The details maybe exaggerated by back-biters, so it is important that you come clean with your partner before others try to spoil things between you.



7 Develop a strong personality: Only those with a strong personality can successfully date a co-worker, as you encounter a sea of troubles once you start an office romance. You must be ready to fight the odds - company policy, office gossip, fear of blackmail, and the general tempest of affairs. There is the possibility that she will accuse you of harassment or blackmail, or the office will question your every decision as a sign of favoritism. Either way, you must be ready to face the flak.



Truth be told: It is a RISK! But sometimes we are willing to take it. Sometimes we just haven’t met that special someone outside our work environment and we are willing to look inside. And some other times we just have to get out of our comfort zone to get a taste of something special that we craving for.

Easy ways to attract women

Sometimes the dating game can be a bit of a minefield. According to popular belief, to attract women you need to earn a lot of money, have a torso that ripples like an oversized sheet of corrugated iron and spend half your salary in the men's department of any well-known but overpriced department store. The remaining half should go on getting that buff six-pack at an expensive gym, naturally.

Well, that's not the way we see things here at MSN Him. We're all about making the most of what you've got and the good news is there are easy (in some cases, so easy they're actually accidental) ways to attract women. And it's not us that says that, it's science. Here's a few that will bring hope to any man's heart.

Daddy's home!


Have a think about all the women you fancy. Do you happen to look like any of their dads?

If you do, you might just be in luck. Strangely enough, psychologists at Durham University have discovered that women who had good relationships with their fathers were more attracted to men who resembled them.

Now that sounds a bit weird and Freudian, but it kind of makes sense. Ultimately, women seem to be looking for men who will make good fathers, and if they're on good terms with their own dads, that's the best model they have.
Mirror mirror


But if you don't look like any of your female friends' fathers, don't despair. Instead, try to find someone who looks just a little bit like you.

That doesn't mean you should imitate your female friends' appearance. But research by the University of St Andrews found that women are most attracted to masculine versions of themselves. Nobody's quite sure why that should be, but previous studies have shown that, while women can go for masculine faces, they're also a bit suspicious of them. Masculine men might be seen as overly aggressive or likely to play the field and therefore unwelcome.

The researchers theorised that a masculine face that is also a bit familiar cancels out the suspicion. So all you need to know is that, if there are three female friends standing at the bar, start talking to the one who's got your mouth or eyes. She won't know it, but she may well be drawn to someone who resembles her - you.
Average chance

So you don't look like her dad and you don't look like her. Darn. But hang on a sec, you could still be in with a chance - that's if you look completely and utterly average.

We're not joking (much). In 1990, a pair of boffins called Langlois and Roggman came up with what they called the "averageness hypothesis", and more recent studies seem to confirm that people like symmetrical, regular and rather average faces.

Of course, women like good-looking men, too. But when images of faces are digitally manipulated to make every feature (nose size, the distance between eyes, the heights of foreheads etc) equal to the human average, viewers tend to prefer the 'averaged' face to the original.

Apparently, that's because subconsciously we like to see things we are used to seeing, and we've all seen thousands of faces so we take an average as an ideal. So if you're not Brad Pitt, don't despair. A pleasant and average face is perfectly good enough.
Sniff and select

A good way to attract women is to whiff a bit. Let's be clear - you probably shouldn't actually smell, but don't entirely conceal your natural, manly aroma.

Because what science is increasingly finding is that women have an acute sense of smell, and they use it to help pick out a suitable mate. You might think that after a couple of days in the same shirt you smell just like any other pongy guy. But subconsciously, women are using your smell to gather all sorts of interesting information about your genetic inheritance and the strength of your immune system.

When researchers have asked women to smell men's worn shirts and rate the attractiveness of the aroma, they tend to go for men with a particular genetic code (one that is involved in our immune systems) different from their own. Choosing a mate with a different immune system makes sense, because the offspring are likely to be protected from a greater range of illnesses.

Of course, your immune system won't be attractive to everyone. But by going easy on the underarm deodorant and aftershave, you're at least giving suitable partners a chance to sniff you out.
The right moment

We don't mean the exact moment her friend has nipped to the bar. No, we're talking about the mystery of the female cycle. If you're lucky, you may well coincide with the 12 to 24 hours every month when she might be feeling a little more outgoing and more receptive to conversation with you.

Because whether she consciously wants one or not, the body of an ovulating woman is attuned to wanting a baby. Why's that important? Well, because studies have shown that surprisingly, women have more sex when they're ovulating and they're also more likely to cheat.

In a study published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, researchers found that ovulation makes women more likely to wear revealing clothes.

And there's more. As well as more skin on display, ovulation makes her pupils dilate, her voice increase in pitch and her breasts swell. In other words, it makes her yearn for a man. Which is exactly where you come in...
Source: MSN

Couple Sex in the 21st Century

Having a partner can be an exhilarating and bonding experience. An active and loving sex life is an essential part of any relationship. How your sex lives begin together can shape your whole relationship and be a rich source of wellbeing. Over time, it is easy to fall in a rut and take couple sex for granted. This is increasingly true today, when there are so many distractions and demands on our time.

New couples may have an initial discomfort at revealing themselves naked before their partner. Perhaps the first few times there is such a flurry of activity that this goes unnoticed. A short while into a sexually active couple's time together, there will be moments of standing around completely naked. A transformative sex life together allows and welcomes this naked time. It is easy to fall in to a sense of shame and desire to cover up. Being able to stand, revealed, before your lover is a liberating experience and charges the air with a new bout of sexual passion.

This confidence fosters a greater sense of wellbeing in yourself and is extremely energizing to your partner as well. The freedom to be naked together feeds your creativity and allows you both to explore sex together more deeply. Move past the images of unattainable beauty as shown by advertising and tv. Being naked together lets you see and appreciate the splendour of your partner's body. Loving and being sexually attracted to your partners body for all its shapes and uniqueness enriches the loving bond between you.

Keeping the mobiles out of the bedroom declares that this is serious you time. Couple sex can transport you both into your own little world, outside of time. This is the freedom of being, not doing. Sex is a form of communication and together you can open up whole new ways of getting to know and love each other. Avoid distractions that draw you out of your collective bliss.

Sex can be so enjoyable that we rush into repeating the same variation every time in order to return to those sensations you both loved. At times, this can be great as you practice your own sexual moves and learn new ways for your bodies to talk. But other times, it can detract from the joy if it becomes soul-less and just a way to go through the motions until release. Being available for sex with your partner spontaneously, using toys, dressing up, or changing locations keep things spicy. Our brains are used to a richer set of stimulation outside of the bedroom, so having a range of ideas and aids helps keep a sex life fresh.

10 Ways to Have Better Sex, According to Science

You can try all the positions you want, or you can call up the world's foremost sex doctors and ask them for their one surefire trick in the bedroom. And then the positions get better.

Tell Her She Looks (and Tastes) Great
"It's been proven that women who feel confident about the appearance of their genitals are more open to different kinds of sexual activity, and are more likely to orgasm because they feel relaxed... When a man goes down on his partner, he should be enthusiastic, tell her how beautiful she is and how great she tastes. Don't treat it like a chore." —Debra Lynne Herbenick, Ph.D., Indiana University, Kinsey Institute

Use Your Ears
"The only difference between a gigolo and a regular guy is that a gigolo listens to what a woman wants in bed. So, ask. I would also advise that you to ask her while not in the bedroom — raise the discussion while out walking or doing some other casual yet intimate thing together."
—Dr. Helen Fisher, Department of Anthropology, Rutgers University

Touch Her Everywhere (with Oil)
"Sensual touching releases a powerful sex hormone called oxytocin, which increases a woman's testosterone levels and ignites her sex drive. The seductive silky feel of oil being rubbed on skin is a turn-on for more passionate sex — for both of you."
—Carol Cassell, Ph.D, former president of the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality, Western Region

Bring the Kitchen into the Bedroom
"Arginine is the basis for Viagra, so men should stick with foods high in it — such as oysters, fish, and other lean proteins. Everything that's good for you above the waist is good for you below the waist as well: greens and beans; high protein/low-fat foods; and brightly colored fruits and vegetables, high in antioxidants. The Standard American Diet is ... a detriment to performance."
—Lynn Edlen-Nezin, Ph.D, co-author of Great Food, Great Sex

Take Your Time Undressing
"There is a degree of manipulation when it comes to the amount of neurotransmitter released... Looking at a nude picture will trigger a quick and strong release of dopamine and possibly oxytocin, but it fades quickly... Let her work for it a little; she'll enjoy the prolonged neurological orgasm more."
—Andrea Kuszewski, Behavior Therapist and Consultant, Boston, Massachusetts

Take a Shower
"There's no proven human pheromone to make you irresistible... So, until one is found, wash well — you can have too much of a good thing. (But why not leave a worn T-shirt at her house? It will keep you always in her mind.)"
—Dr. Tristram Wyatt, Department of Zoology, University of Oxford

Create a Mood — Turn the Lights Down
"For women to get aroused, parts of their brains associated with stress and anxiety need to de-activate, according to neurological studies in the Netherlands. If women aren't relaxed, they're not going to enjoy sex. So dim the lights and share a fantasy. A Harvard study found that when you hug a woman longer than thirty seconds, it increases her oxytocin levels and anticipation of sex."
—Ian Kerner, Ph.D, FAACS, author of She Comes First: the Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman

Sit Back and Relax
"Find out what position of intercourse is most stimulating to her — it's usually woman on top, facing away, also known as the reverse cowgirl. The angle of the penis through the anterior/front wall of the vagina stimulates the area of the G-spot."
—Beverly Whipple, Ph.D, Professor Emerita at Rutgers University and co-author of The Science of Orgasm

Don't Worry So Much — Intercourse Isn't Everything
"If you're thinking, 'I hope it works! I hope it works!' it's not going to work. Take penetrative sex off the table for a month — do everything but that. Avoid making intercourse the be-all/end all. In most cases, once men stop worrying about it, it starts working. You can definitely stress yourself out of a boner."
—Emily Wentzell, Assistant Professor of Anthropology, University of Iowa

Get Her Pregnant (On Purpose)
"If you're trying to impregnate your wife or girlfriend, stop thrusting immediately after ejaculating. The shape of your penis... was designed by natural selection to work as a retraction device, removing competing males' sperm from your female partner's vaginal tract. So if you keep going at it after you've achieved orgasm, you're basically disadvantaging your own reproductive success."
—Jesse Bering, Ph.D, director, Institute of Cognition and Culture, Queen's University, Belfast

The Golden Rules of Relationships

If things have changed with your friend or boyfriend, following these five simple rules will help you put your feelings first. Use these rules as a "checklist" for future relationships, so you can avoid wasting time with people that will bring you down, and start seeking out the ones that will bring out the best in you.

Golden Rule #1: If they ever put you down, even once, dump them. Why stick around with someone who will slowly chip away at your self-esteem? Verbal abuse is just as bad as physical abuse. Staying isn't worth it ...just rip the Band-Aid off. It will hurt but only temporarily.

Golden rule #2: Don't try to be something you're not. If they're not happy with the real you, then the relationship obviously wasn't meant to be. Never compromise who you are for a relationship.

Golden rule #3: If they're always breaking their word, then let them go.

Golden rule #4: If every little thing makes them fly off the handle, they're not worth it. Every relationship deserves a fight or two to make it stronger, but if you're going at it like cats and dogs constantly, the relationship wasn't meant to last.

Golden rule #5: If they are racist or discriminatory in any way, or they talk badly about your family or close friends, dump them.

Couple Fighting While keeping these rules in mind, the best thing to do is to make your own checklist. Write down what you want out of the relationship or friendship and if things don't add up, cut your losses. It's best not to act like children and bicker back and forth. It may hurt in the beginning, but you'll thank yourself later.

Always remember, while it sounds cliché, you want someone who will love you for who you are, because in the end you can't change who you are and you can't change who they are.